No Ladies at Ladies Night

Picture it: Lucky Dog gay bar, last Wednesday...."Ladies" Night Mike and I walk in, smoke in the air, naked hoopties on flat-screen TVs, the sounds of Tegan and Sara and various Lilith Fair artists on the sound system. All this aspires to be a perfect setting for a night of sapphic enchantment. But where, o where, are the ladies? Suddenly we're surrounded, acres and acres of butch after butch, 220 lbs of pure woman, and it's mine...all mine. Oh well, it's still early. Maybe the hot hoopties from the Jay-Z videos are night creatures. For now, cocktails.The bartenders were friends. A hairy bear of a gentleman and a sporty blonde lezzy made up the team of friendly staff. I ordered a standard-issue rum and coke - $3.50 - I tasted coke. Gays aren't rich, you know. Mike had a $5 White Russian that was equally lackluster. It wasn't until I indulged heavily in a $7 Adios Mother Fucker that I even remotely felt buzzed. After that, it went downhill. $40 later, I'm wasted and everyone's pretty. And I don't remember a whole lot which makes it hard to blog. I hope I didn't fondle anyone in the bathroom - but the world will never know. Maybe I'll have to dip my foot in the Ladies Night waters another time for the full experience.